agakiza agakiza

Ni iki cyihishe inyuma y’isenyuka ry’ingo rya hato na hato?

agakiza

Ni iki cyihishe inyuma y’isenyuka ry’ingo rya hato na hato?

byanditswe na: Ubwanditsi     kuwa: 6 August 2019,  13:17

agakiza

Isenyuka ry’ingo ni kimwe mu bibazo byugarije umuryango. Iyo uganiriye n’abantu batandukanye, bakubwira ko umuryango ufite ibibazo bikomeye ndetse bamwe bagera aho babifata nk’icyorezo, bitewe n’ubwinshi bw’ibibazo biriho. Bamwe mu rubyiruko ubu batinya kubaka ingo kubera ubwoba bwo kuba nyuma y’iminsi mike bahita batandukana.

Iyo uganiriye na bo, bakubwira ko nta cyizere bafite ko ingo za bo zizamara kabiri. Igitangaje ni uko mu bari kunyura muri ibyo bibazo, biragoye kubona ukubwiza ukuri kw’ibyo ari kunyuramo, ahubwo akubwira ko bikomeye gusa.

Iyo ugerageje kuganira na bamwe barakubwira bati: “Kirazira mu muco kuvuga ibintu mu mazina ya byo.” Ibi ngo ni uko byaba ari ukwishyira hanze, ariko akenshi bakabishingira ko bigoye kubona uwo kwizerwa wabwira ibibazo byawe. Iyo umukobwa agiye kubaka, ba nyirasenge baramubwira bati: “Uramenya uzitonde kandi nibikomera uzamenye burya ni ko zubakwa.” Uwo rero aragenda maze yagerayo agahura n’ibikomeye ariko umutima muhanano ntumwemerere kuvuga ibyo anyuramo. Umuhungu nawe bakamubwira ko umugabo ari uwifata mu bibazo ntagaragaze integer nke, noneho byakomera akabura amahitamo bikazagera ubwo ananirwa kubyihanganira, nyamara iyo biganirwaho byari gukemuka.

Iyo tuvuze ikibyihishe inyuma ni ikintu kitagaragara ariko kikaba nyirabayazana igeza umuryango aho usenyuka. Muri iyi nkuru yacu, turavuga ku bibazo bamwe badatinyuka kuvugira mu ruhame ariko bishobora kuba intandaro ya gatanya:

1.Imibonano mpuzabitsina ikozwe nabi:

Kimwe mu bituma umuntu ashaka kubaka urugo harimo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina ihoraho. Akenshi rero hari ubwo umwe mu bubatse aba yarasambanye mbere y’uko akora ubukwe, maze agahora agereranya uwo babana n’abo baryamanye mbere. Hari abandi basanga abo babana bafite intege nke mu mubiri (uburemba), cyangwa akagira uburwayi butuma adakora imibonano. Iyi ngingo irakomeye kuko izana ibibazo byinshi birimo amakimbirane ahoraho, agasuzuguro, gucana inyuma, kwikunda n’ibindi. Ibi iyo bigitangira birihanganirwa ariko akenshi birangira bamwe bagiye mu busambanyi cyangwa bagatandukana. Igitangaje rero, biragoye kubona ukubwiza ukuri ko yasanze ari uku bimeze ahubwo iyo basaba gatanya bahimba ibindi byakumvikana mu bantu kuko batinya kwikoza isoni, nyamara iyo bagirwa inama mbere ahari byari kugira igaruriro.

2.Gucana inyama:

Iyo umuhungu n’umukobwa barambagizanya, buri wese agerageza guhisha ingeso ze kugira ngo mugenzi we atazishingiraho akaba yamwanga. Agerageza kugaragaza ibyakurura mugenzi we kugira ngo yemere ko bazabana. Rimwe na rimwe iyo ubwiye umwe muri abo ko mugenzi we yitwara nabi, anywa inzoga nyinshi, agira inshuti mbi cyangwa arasambana byitwa ko ari ugushaka kumwicira ubukwe. Burya ingeso ntitinda kwigaragaza, wayihisha umwaka umwe ariko bigera aho bikanga. Yaba umugabo cyangwa umugore, nta n’umwe ukunda ko uwo babana amusangira n’abandi kuko iyo mubana uba waramuhaye umutima wose, waramushyizemo icyizere gikabije. Iyo rero ibi byanze, ugasanga abantu bahisemo gutandukana, umwe muri bo cyangwa bose ntatinyuka kuvuga ko impamvu ahubwo abenshi babirenzaho bagahimba izindi mpamvu kugira ngo hatazagira abamuseka.

3.Kubura urukundo

Iyo umuhungu cyangwa umukobwa afata icyemezo cyo gusiga iwabo, ahagurutswa n’ijambo ryitwa “urukundo”. Akenshi mu kurambagizanya, baba bararumweretse ku kigero gihagije. Igitangaje ni uko atekereza ko ari ko bizahora ariko intege nke abagabo benshi bahuriyeho ni uko iyo agejeje umugore mu nzu atongera kumuhamagara buri kanya, kumwandikira ubutumwa bugufi kuri terefone ku buryo buhoraho, kumubwira utugambo twiza twuzuye urukundo n’ibindi.

Abagore ibi bibananira kwihanganira kuko na bo mu ntege nke zabo bakunda kwitabwaho ku kigero cyo hejuru. Iyo icyo yaje ashaka akibuze bamwe bafata imyanzuro yo gutandukana. Kimwe n’abagabo bose, nta udakunda gukundwa ariko hari ubwo abakobwa bamwe bajya kubaka mu by’ukuri yishakira aho kuba, ariko atazi gutanga urukundo atabasha no kurwakira ahubwo urugo rukaba aderese gusa.
Burya usibye abantu n’inyamaswa n’ibimera bimwe na bimwe iyo byeretswe urukundo bitanga umusaruro. Akenshi iyo urukundo rubuze mu muryango, urasenyuka. Rero biratangaje kubana n’umuntu ugasanga arikunda bikabije wibaza icyo wagiye kumara. Iyo bamwe babonye urubaha, birangira atwaye imitima yabo.

4.Kudaha agaciro uwo mwashakanye:

Guhabwa agaciro ni ikintu buri wese akeneye kandi ibyo ntibikorwa mu magambo gusa ahubwo iyo bivanze n’imirimo ukorera mugenzi wawe birushaho kumwereka agaciro. Uzi ko hari abirirwa batavuganye, maze bataha ntibanasuhuzanye? Ibintu byereka mugenzi wawe ko umutekerezaho kandi ukamuha agaciro ntibiba binini. Igihe utashye ukamuzanira akantu n’ubwo kaba gato, hari icyo bigaragaza. Iyo umugabo yiriwe mu rugo ukamwitaho, na we akakwitaho, ntibigira uko bisa. Gushimira mugenzi wawe ibyiza yagukoreye, kumuhuguzanya ubugwaneza, kumenya itariki y’amavuko ya mugenzi wawe ukagira impano umuha, mu gihe ahugiye mu mirimo ukamwibuka ukamubwira ijambo rimuruhura n’ibindi. Ibi iyo bibuze bishobora kuzana ibibazo bikomeye mu rushako rwanyu.

5.Gukubitwa/ Ihohoterwa ryo mu ngo:

Uwavuga ko nta hohotera riri mu miryango yaba yigiza nkana kuko amakuru avuga abagabo bishe abagore babo, abakubiswe n’ibindi ntasiba kumvikana. Kera abagore barakubitwaga akagenda abeshya abantu ko inka yamwishe ku jisho, cyangwa yaguye ku kintu kikamukomeretsa kandi mu by’ukuri ari ukugira ngo ahishire ibyamubayeho. Biratangaje ko muri iki gihe hakiri abagore bakubitwa, hirengagijwe amategeko n’ingaruka bishobora kugira ku wakoze iryo hohotera. Kubera umuco, hari ababikorerwa bagaceceka, bumva ejo bizarangira kugera ubwo biganishije urugo ku byago bitandukanye, harimo no gusenyuka k’urugo. Aha ntitwavuga ko abagore ari bo babohoterwa bonyine, ahubwo hari n’abagabo bahohoterwa, n’ubwo umubare wabo utaba munini. Ibi iyo bikomeje kugirwa ibanga biba biganisha kugutandukana

6.Gusuzugurwa:

Muri kamere y’abagabo harimo gukunda icyubahiro, ku buryo iyo asuzuguwe bituma yiheba, amarangamutima ye ntabyakire, akaba yahitamo no gutandukana n’uwo bashakanye kuko yumva ko yatakaje agaciro. Uyu rero iyo muganiriye, yihagararaho, ntakubwira ko icyatumye asenya ari uko yasuzuguwe ahubwo akenshi ashaka impamvu yindi yumva yarushaho kumvikana.

Burya abagabo benshi batinda mu kabari, cyangwa mu kazi, si uko bakunda akazi cyane ahubwo aba atekereza aho agiye gutaha akumva nta mpamvu yo gutaha maze agataha agiye kubyuka cyangwa guhinduka imyenda.

N’abagore ni uko, hari abasuzugurwa kandi ibi bikaba byaratangiye cyera. Ntawutazi ko cyera iyo umuryango wabyaraga abakobwa benshi, wabonaga bafite ikibazo, bakamera nk’abagushije ishyano. Ibi byatumaga abakobwa badahabwa uburezi ku kigero kimwe na basaza babo. No mu bizera muzi ko bavuga ngo Yesu yahagije abagabo ibihumbi bitanu, ukuyemo abagore n’abana. Ibyo biguha ishusho y’uko umugore yafatwaga. Kugera ubu hari amadini n’amatorero atarabasha guha inshingano zo hejuru igitsinagore kuko bumva ko badashoboye.
Ibi rero iyo umugore abikorewe mu muryango bimusiga habi akihangana bigitangira ariko bikazasoza atandukanye.

7.Kutaganira ku bibareba (manque de communication)

Buriya rero kutaganira bisenya ingo nyinshi, bitewe n’uko uwo mwashakanye adashobora kumenya ibikunezeza cyangwa ibikubangamira keretse ubimubwiye. Kandi uko ugenda ubangamirwa kenshi ntuvuge, umutima uragenda ukazinukwa pe. Ukajya wumva nta cyiza kindi utegereje kandi wenda iyo ubivuga mwari gushakira umuti hamwe.

Iyo mutaganira ibibazo byatangiye ari bito bihinduka imisozi maze ingo zigasenyuka.
N’ubwo kuganira ari byiza ariko hari ibintu bijyana no kuganira: Kumenya kuganira, ukamenya icyo uganira, igihe cyo kuganira, uburyo bwo kuganira, ahantu ho kuganirira. Hari igihe ushobora gukeka ko wavuze wenda ibikubangamiye, ariko bitewe n’uko wabivuze n’ahantu n’igihe wabivugiye ugasanga wangije byinshi. «Umugore w’umutima wese yubaka urugo, ariko umupfu we ubwe ararusenya» (migani 14:1).

Mubyo ukuri urugo rwubakwa n’ubwenge ni byiza gusaba Imana ubwenge bwatuma twubaka urugo ntirusenyuke.

8.Kutababarirana no kutibagirwa amakosa uwo mwashakanye yakoze

Abantu benshi birabagora kubabarira uwabakoreye ikosa ariko bikarushaho iyo ahemukiwe n’uwo babana. Gusa buriya nta muntu utagira amakosa, ni yo mpamvu na Bibiliya ivuga ngo tujye tubabarirana uko umuntu agize icyo apfa n’undi, kandi ngo mugenzi wawe nagucumuraho uzamubabarire inshuro mirongo irindwi karindwi.
Ikizakwemeza ko utamubabariye ni uko uhora umucyurira ibyo yakosheje, noneho yagira irindi kosa akora ukabanza kumucyurira ibyo yagukoreye bibi ariko ntekereza ko iyo ukunda uwo mwashakanye, kumubabarira biroroha cyangwa birabanguka.
Ibi iyo bitinze, urukundo rurayoyoka bikavamo impamvu yo gutandukana kandi utabasha gusobanura neza icyatumye ufata umwanzuro umeze utyo.

9.Kwanga kwikosora

Ikintu cyo kutikosora cyangwa guhora mu makosa amwe ni ikintu kiremereye. Hari igihe umwe yumva asa n’uwasonewe gukora amakosa, akumva ntawukwiriye gutinda ku myitwarire ye n’ubwo yaba ibangamiye abandi ahubwo we agahora atunga intoki abo babana, avuga ibibi byabo.

Niba ushaka kumenya icyo kwikosora, uzahere kuri cya kindi uwo mwashakanye ahora atonganira, cyangwa avugira nabi cyangwa se kimwe ahora akubwira ko kimubangamira. Ujye wibuka ko Bibiliya itubwira ngo ntitukagire igisitaza dushyira imbere y’umuntu uwo ari we wese.

10.Umutungo ukoreshejwe nabi

Nta wabura kuvuga ko umutungo ukoreshejwe nabi n’umwe mu bashakanye bishobora kuba imbarutso yo gusenyuka k’umuryango. Hari ubwo umwe amenya amakuru ko hari imitungo icishwa ku ruhande cyangwa hari konti atariho, cyangwa akabona ibiza mu rugo atazi neza amakuru ya byo. Nk’urugero umugabo agatahana imodoka umugore ataragishijwe inama mu kuyigura n’ibindi. Ibi bigera igihe uwabikorewe akibaza ngo “Ese njye ubu ndi iki muri uru rugo?”

Hakorwa iki ngo ingo zitagira ibibazo?

Muri iyi nkuru twifuza kuvuga ku bibazo bisenya ingo kandi ba nyira byo batabasha kubivuga, nyamara iyo biganirwaho mbere byari kubonerwa umuti bitaragera aho bisenya urugo. Reka umuco wo kuganira ku bibazo ube uwacu, bizatuma dukemura ibibazo amazi atararenga inkombe. Abenshi basezerana bafite imiryango. Mushobora kubegera bakabafasha cyangwa ababaherekeje mu bukwe bwanyu (parrain na marraine). Abandi bafite insengero basengeramo, mushobora kwitabaza abayobozi banyu mu by’umwuka, yewe n’abayobozi ba leta aho dutuye tubagishije inama badufasha. Burya amategeko ntaberaho gutandukanya abagiranye ibibazo ahubwo icya mbere ni ukubunga.

Twumve ko gutandukana ari ugutsindwa. Mu by’ukuri iyo wananiwe kubaka urugo, bizagora abandi bantu kukugirira icyizere ahubwo bazajya bavuga ngo afite akazi keza, ayoboye abantu benshi ariko yananiwe n’urugo.

Reka uruhare rwawe mu biri kukubaho ugerageze kutaba nyirabayazana mu bibazo byageza umuryango wawe ku gusenyuka ahubwo ugerageze gukora ibishoboka byose ngo urugo rwawe rukomeze rubeho.
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